NFL 2024 Week 17 Predictions: The Longest Week Edition

Well, the NFL is pulling it off. A Week 17 spanning from Wednesday (Christmas) through Monday night with eight different island games is one of the longest weeks in NFL history, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that island game mark is a single-week record.

We have a Saturday tripleheader to thank for it, and I’m not exactly looking forward to spending most of my attention for a day on these games. But at least I already finished season 2 of Squid Game on Netflix.

It’s not that the games are terrible today (Saturday), but the games this week going back to Green Bay’s Monday night win (34-0 vs. Saints) have been terrible. One sided or just downright offensively offensive like Seahawks-Bears was Thursday night. I think some teams are packing it in a bit and some are just waiting for the playoffs to start.

I’ve barely been betting any money on these games and I feel vindicated every time when you see a game like TNF without any touchdowns, or a game like HOU-BAL where no one on the Ravens had more than 2 catches. It’s rough out there.

Save your bankroll for the postseason, folks.

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NFL Week 17 Predictions

I nailed it on Christmas with the teams that won Saturday taking care of business again. I’m really starting to believe in a Chiefs-Ravens rematch in the AFC Championship Game.

NE-LAC: Christ, it was a 6-0 game last year and this one is again the Chargers on the road in an early body clock game. For that reason, plus their general inability to score a lot of points, I’m going to hedge and take the Pats to cover. Can see the Chargers winning on a late field goal here or Drake Maye turning the ball over in a 4QC attempt.

DEN-CIN: I know the Bengals are +1800 to make the playoffs but I’d love to see those odds updated if they win this game, because this is the big one with a chance to hand Denver a loss, the team they’re most likely going to have to steal that final wild card from as I like the Chargers to finish 11-6. I think the Bengals win the turnover battle, Joe Burrow’s 250 yard/3 TD pass streak stops, but very much like a Cincy playoff game (which this might be the closest thing they get to one in 2024), they still win with the defense stepping up.

ARI-LAR: The Cardinals absolutely blasted the Rams 41-10 earlier this year in a game where Puka Nacua was out and Cooper Kupp was injured. But the Cardinals are eliminated and the Rams could clinch the division this weekend (but not Saturday night as they need a strength of victory tiebreaker clinched over the weekend). Again, I’ll hedge and say the Cards can keep it close since the Rams have been needing 4QCs the last two weeks in low-volume passing performances for Stafford. But I do expect the Rams to win the game.

DAL-PHI: Really,? You mean that thumbs up from Jalen Hurts didn’t mean he was good enough to finish Sunday and he’ll miss another game too? That’s shocking. But even with Kenny Pickett there, I love Saquon Barkley to have a huge game as his final award push, and the Cowboys shutting down CeeDee should put a damper on Cooper Rush’s first reads against a good defense. Give me the Eagles to still cover.

IND-NYG: Is it Joe Flacco time or Anthony Richardson? I’m not sure it matters given the trash the Giants plan to roll out at quarterback again. The Colts can absolutely blow this, but I think the running game and defense lead to a convincing win.

LV-NO: It doesn’t sound like Derek Carr will get that chance to lose to his 32nd team against the Raiders. But after seeing what the Saints did Monday night, yeah, I’ll just take the Raiders here. Get those Brock Bower stats up.

NYJ-BUF: I think the game being close last time and the Bills looking shaky last week suggests a Jets +9.5 pick. But I’m just going to go against logic and take Buffalo to win by double digits. Might be Allen’s last game to pad his numbers for MVP, so I’d expect as many sneak opportunities at the goal line as possible.

TEN-JAX: Horrid game, but last time I trusted the Titans, they lost 10-6 to this team. Give me Jags for the sweep even if Mason Rudolph should deliver a win Just can’t trust them.

CAR-TB: Last time the game went to overtime before the Bucs pulled it out. Again, logic would say Panthers +8.5 is an easy call but I’m going with the Bucs winning big after slipping up in Dallas. Offense will be stronger.

MIA-CLE: Honestly? I just don’t care without Jameis.

GB-MIN: Great game potential, and I swear the Packers were -1.5 when I did this 24 hours ago. But I do like the Vikings to win again and pull it out in the fourth quarter by coming up with a takeaway or critical stop against Love. Mostly, I’m just rooting hard for the Vikings to win so we get Vikings-Lions on SNF next week to decide the No. 1 seed. That’s the best possible ending to the regular season and we need a MIN win here to get there.

ATL-WAS: Curious to see Penix Jr. in his first prime-time game and only 2nd start. But I’m also banking on Jayden Daniels to back me up with a big game for the MVP talk I’ve been giving him throughout this season.

DET-SF: My favorite spread pick all week is Lions -3.5. I think they’ll go in there seeking revenge for blowing that lead in the title game and kick some ass against a San Francisco team that’s already eliminated and playing a lot of poor football the last month.

NFL Week 10 Predictions: Island Game Slop Edition

The NFL’s Week 10 schedule is not the worst I’ve ever seen, but the sequencing of the games with the choices for the four island games might be the worst this century. Would the week sound so bad if Thursday night started with Seattle hosting Washington, the Germany game was Lions-Chargers, Sunday night was 49ers-Jaguars, and Monday night was I guess the same Broncos-Bills matchup assuming Denver plays better?

The masses had no business seeing Panthers-Bears, Colts-Patriots, and Jets-Raiders, and that was true back in April. Aaron Rodgers and Davante Adams in the same stadium? Who gives a shit? Enjoy the season-low ratings for Zach Wilson vs. Aidan O’Connell since you chose not to flex and spare us, NBC.

But Colts-Patriots is laughably bad for a 9:30 a.m. start. After the disappointment last week with Chiefs-Dolphins, I will not be getting up for this one. In fact, I might get up normal time (12:05), take a shit, take a shower, and maybe I’ll catch the tail end to see if the Colts kept their 20-points streak alive. To think a Colts-Patriots game used to be the biggest thing in the NFL. How the mighty have fallen.

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NFL Week 10 Predictions

No one won on Bears-Panthers on TNF with a push. I really didn’t win thanks to 2 f’n yards that Chuba Hubbard couldn’t get.

I want to start by saying favorites were 12-2 SU last week (good spread record too, I believe), so maybe this is a bounce-back week for underdogs, but I didn’t see a lot of enticing ones on the schedule. Just ended up taking the Vikings over Saints, then I also changed my pick from Tampa to Tennessee. Might be letting the Will Levis game vs. Atlanta screw me over twice here as I just think he can hit some big plays against the Bucs, and Kyler Murray might be the next QB to make his season debut for his team and upset the path to doom Falcons.

Honestly, I have no real feel for Colts-Patriots. It might be the biggest gap the Colts have over the Patriots roster-wise since 2005 or even longer ago. But when my brain has gone to “island game = shit offense” and I see the way the Colts didn’t even get 200 yards in Carolina and won thanks to 2 pick-sixes last week, I’m just going to go with the Pats to end the 20-points streak and sneak out an ugly win.

I also think 49ers-Jaguars is a hard game to read since the Jaguars are not statistically strong but win, and the 49ers are super talented but have lost 3 in a row. It’s also an early body clock game across the country. My favorite pick in this game is the under 45.5.

I don’t believe in Cleveland, so I took Baltimore to win by a full touchdown. We’ll see what happens as division games are weird. Same reason I ultimately decided to take the Giants to cover 17.5 points in Dallas. I know it looks bleak, but the Cowboys almost lost straight up to Houston as a 17-point favorite last year. They already lost as a 13-point favorite to Arizona this year. I hate big spreads like this.

Packers are a perfect opponent for Pittsburgh at home. Shit offense (first half under looks great) and not a scary offense. I’m sure it’ll be a nail-biter and maybe even go to overtime.

Texans-Bengals could be interesting but I think C.J. Stroud comes back to Earth a bit from last week. But would be something if Tee Higgins (out) and Ja’Marr Chase (questionable) both missed the game. Huge opportunity for Houston to get a H2H tie-breaker and move ahead of the Bengals in the AFC.

Lions-Chargers is our saving grace of the late afternoon. Should be back to a normal Chargers game, which means Justin Herbert with the ball in a one-score game in the 4th quarter. I also think Seahawks-Commanders has potential to be a tight finish with decent offensive numbers.

I already have to write 2 articles on the prime-time games early in the week, so by Friday night, I’m ready to just get them over with. But I think the Jets use their superior defense to win that stinker, and the Bills should bounce back and win against Denver, which I still think is an underwhelming team.

At least I’ll probably be done early on Sunday night with this slate.