NFL Week 7 Predictions: Snoozer Edition

We go from the Game of the Year last week to a prime-time slate that the NFL must have been high when they put together. No one wanted to see this shit in April, let alone late October.

I said I would nap during the island games, and so far I’m 1-for-1. What I saw of Saints-Cardinals actually wasn’t that bad in a surprisingly high-scoring game, but that had more to do with my jacked up sleeping pattern this week. I’ll stay awake for Dolphins-Steelers. Probably.

But quarterback injuries are a huge theme again this week.

Not just which players are out, but how will the guys returning from injury look? I’ll share a few thoughts on those games below in the predictions, but first, here are some of the articles I wrote this week:

NFL Week 7 Predictions

Okay, TNF was probably the most far off I’ve been about an island game this season. Still, I wonder how it goes without that bobbled pick-six the Cardinals scored.

Dak Prescott’s return: Was he just off in Week 1, or what was that all about? I think he’s going to look fine in this one, but I’m taking the Lions to cover as a precaution. I’d say we know the Lions can score but they did just get shut out before the bye week.

Taylor Heinicke takes over for Carson Wentz (finger): This one is interesting because Heinicke marched Washington up and down the field in Lambeau last year. The 430 yards of offense were the second most the team has had in any game in the last three years. They just couldn’t finish in the red zone at all. With the way the Packers have been playing, I can’t trust them in any game that isn’t at home on SNF against the Bears right now.

How the hell does Carolina score?: The game I’m planning on betting on a lot is Tampa Bay to beat Carolina by 14+ points. I know, Tampa Bay hasn’t looked right all year, but how the hell does Carolina score on this defense without Christian McCaffrey? He had most of their yards last week and they still only scored 3 points on offense. You know Brady is pissed off and won’t blow another double-digit favorite game here. Even if TB doesn’t light up the scoreboard, this could end 21-6. The Panthers haven’t been this unwatchable since 2010 Jimmy Clausen year, and at least that team had Steve Smith.

Brett Rypien replaces Russell Wilson (hamstring) vs. Jets: This one is funny cause Rypien played against the Jets in 2020 in his only other NFL start, a weird 37-28 game in prime time. A lot of people are going to jump on the Jets (4-2) bandwagon here, but I’m going against the grain and taking Denver to still win at home. I don’t trust the offense, but I trust the defense at home, and I think it’d be funny if Rypien led the offense to its best game of the season the moment Wilson goes down. Let’s root for chaos and have him light it up.

Kenny Pickett vs. Tua Tagovailoa: I thought Tua changed the concussion protocol enough to where we wouldn’t see Pickett in this game, but here we are. It’s anecdotal evidence, but my experience says fade the Steelers quarterback coming off a head injury in his next game. Look up what Tommy Maddox did against the 2002 Texans after an injury scare, look what Ben Roethlisberger did to the 2006 Raiders after a concussion, or just look at how bad the Pittsburgh offense is in general. They may not get blown out here like they have been on the road lately, but I can easily see a 24-16 loss.

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